Contact Us

33 (funny) Things You Didn’t Know About Thanksgiving

By Blake November 20, 2012 2:37 PM
little known Thanksgiving Facts
flickr

Did you know that the average turkey has 3,500 feathers at maturity?  Would you like some more semi-interesting turkey day trivia?  Well, then suck down these 33 things you didn’t know about Thanksgiving!
_________________________________________________________________________

1. Cranberry sauce is neither “cranberry” nor “sauce” . . . but actually a gelatinous compound used by Nike for running shoe insoles.

_________________________________________________________________________

 2. Never use the turkey baster belonging to your aunt who underwent in-vitro fertilization.

_________________________________________________________________________

 3. 44 million Americans will travel with their families this Thanksgiving.  None of them will enjoy it.

_________________________________________________________________________

 4. People who decorate their homes for Thanksgiving are lonely and sad.

_________________________________________________________________________

 5. On the list of things that make you sleep, tryptophan is number two . . . ahead of soft music . . . but way, way behind documentaries by Ken Burns.

_________________________________________________________________________

 6. At the first Thanksgiving meal, Indians gave the pilgrims pumpkins . . . and pilgrims gave the Indians casinos.

_________________________________________________________________________

 7. Anderson Cooper slices his turkey with his piercing blue eyes.

_________________________________________________________________________

 8. Turkey stuffing can consist of cornbread, rice, fruit, and in some parts of Missouri . . . methamphetamine.

_________________________________________________________________________

 9. If you choose to spend Thanksgiving with your family, you’re missing out on incredible deals on HDTVs at Target.

_________________________________________________________________________

 10. Thanksgiving was invented by the NFL to make Americans watch the Detroit Lions.

_________________________________________________________________________

 11. Black pilgrims were called “Chill-grims.”

_________________________________________________________________________

 12. General Petraeus always grabs all the breasts and thighs . . . before sitting down for some turkey.

_________________________________________________________________________

 13. President Obama doesn’t just pardon a turkey . . . he also gives it food stamps, free health care and subsidized housing.

_________________________________________________________________________

 14. The only reason it still exists is so people can carbo-load for their Black Friday shopping.

_________________________________________________________________________

 15. Though mostly harmless, mashed potato / gravy volcanoes do kill about a dozen people a year.

_________________________________________________________________________

 16. Almost as many people fall asleep after Thanksgiving dinner as during an Al Gore climate speech.

_________________________________________________________________________

 17. Mitt Romney’s annual tradition is to serve turkey to the poor, then mock them with his rich friends behind closed doors.

_________________________________________________________________________

 18. In Kim Kardashian’s house, the turkey isn’t the only plump, round thing that gets stuffed.

_________________________________________________________________________

 19. There’s a special place in Hell reserved for people who serve giblet gravy.

_________________________________________________________________________

 20. The holiday will cease to exist soon, since the average person under 20 is completely unaware of the word “Thanks.”

_________________________________________________________________________

21. If you’re meeting your date’s parents for the first time, a great way to break the ice is shouting out, “So . . . how about that Obama?”

_________________________________________________________________________

 22. It’s not the turkey that makes you so sleepy . . . it’s your sad, pathetic, exhausting life.

_________________________________________________________________________

 23. The Lions play on Thanksgiving because they want to give the people of Detroit one less thing to be thankful for.

_________________________________________________________________________

 24. Pimps from the 1970s liked to celebrate the holiday by eating a Jive Turkey.

_________________________________________________________________________

 25. In 1989, President George H.W. Bush was the first president to officially pardon a turkey.  Sadly, this is considered his greatest accomplishment as president.

_________________________________________________________________________

 26. The Wampanoag tribe gave the starving Pilgrims their knowledge on how to cultivate varieties of corn, squash and beans.  In gratitude, the Pilgrims gave the Wampanoag tribe smallpox.  Moral of the story:  Give!

_________________________________________________________________________

 27. The morning after the first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims rushed to stores for great deals on muskets and belts with huge buckles.

_________________________________________________________________________

 28. If you eat cranberry sauce and Pop Rocks at the same time, you’ll explode.

_________________________________________________________________________

 29. No one has ever actually eaten squash.

_________________________________________________________________________

 30. Black Friday has now been replaced with Ditch Your Family To Buy A Cheap Xbox Thursday.

_________________________________________________________________________

 31. The football games always suck.  You just don’t realize it because you’re asleep.

_________________________________________________________________________

 32. Each year, your intense hatred for your extended family deepens.

_________________________________________________________________________

 33. There are now more Americans with turkey necks than there are on turkeys.

_________________________________________________________________________

 HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Filed Under: , Category: Humor

More From Blake FM

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

Welcome back to 102.3 Blake FM

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your points and personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

YES, Activate My Account Now!

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Welcome back to 102.3 Blake FM

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account with your Facebook account, just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing profile and VIP program points. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://1023blakefm.com using your Facebook account.

YES, Activate My Account Now!

*Please note that your points, prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

We're Almost There!

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

Continue and Activate

Sign into 102.3 Blake FM

Register on 102.3 Blake FM quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!

Not a Member? Sign Up Here.

Registration 102.3 Blake FM

Sign up for an account to comment, share your thoughts, and earn points to get great prizes.

Registration

Register on 102.3 Blake FM quickly by logging in with your Facebook account. It's just as secure, and no password to remember!