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An Open Letter To Luke Bryan

Luke Bryan with ladies
Getty Images

Dear Luke Bryan,

Hi, I’m Drew. I’m a DJ on Blake FM and I’m writing you today to complain about your new song, Crash My Party.

Now listen, it’s nothing against the song itself. It sounds great, and it’s already becoming another big hit. The reason I’m complaining is, as another dude, I feel like you are totally breaking the bro code here. As you can see from this picture, we are totally bros, Luke. You are setting the rest of us up to just make our girls mad.

Luke Bryan at K-State

Let me break this down for you, using your own lyrics. The song starts like this:

It don’t matter what plans I’ve got, I can break ‘em
Yeah I can turn this thing around at the next red light
And I don’t mind tellin’ all the guys I can’t meet ‘em
Hell, we can all go raise some hell on any other night
Girl I don’t care, oh I just gotta see what you’re wearin’
Your hair, is it pulled up or fallin’ down
Oh I just have to see it now ….

Ok, Luke, I get ya here. We’ve all been in that state of infatuation with a new girl where you will drop everything to see her. Especially if you think it might lead to something (am I right?) so I’m not going to hold this verse against you. The guys won’t be mad that you blew them off this time. They’ve all been there too. So you get 1 free pass, but then:

Ain’t a spot downtown that’s rockin’ the way that you rock me
Ain’t a bar that can make me buzz the way that you do
I could be on the front row of the best show
And look down and see your face on my phone
And I’m gone, so long, hang on
I’ll meet you in a minute or two

Really, Luke? This is the part I gotta start questioning you about. I can understand changing plans for your lady. Even leaving the bar you are at to go meet her, but it’s the concert part that gets me here. Are you really telling me that you have FRONT ROW tickets to go see Garth Brooks in concert. You are there, having a great time, singing along to Friends in Low Places, and suddenly you get a call and you just ditch it? What did you pay for those tickets? Didn’t she know what you were doing in the first place? This is where you are setting the rest of us guys up to fail, man. There’s this Bro Code, Luke, and you totally are breaking it. You can’t expect us normal guys to compete with this. Now when our girls are like, “oh, you are going to a fun show and you aren’t going to leave in the middle of it cause I called” we look like the bad guys. They can just say, “Luke Bryan would leave for me.” I believe the correct term for this behavior is “whipped” and, Luke, you are basically setting all us other dudes up to have to be that way. Come on bro, we can’t live life that way.

Then we get to the final verse:

If it’s two in the mornin’ and you’re feelin’ lonely
And wonderin’ what I’m doin’
Go ahead and call me, call me, call me
You don’t have to worry ‘bout it baby
You can wake me up in the dead of the night
Wreck my plans, baby that’s alright
This is a drop everything kinda thing
Swing on by, I’ll pour you a drink
The door’s unlocked, I’ll leave on the lights
Baby you can crash my party anytime
Baby you can crash my party anytime

Now, Luke, I see what’s happening here. You’re hoping for that late night booty call, right? Don’t worry, I’m not gonna judge you. It happens. But if that’s all you are going for, is that really worth that time you ditched out on those front row seats at the Garth Brooks show? If her coming over at 2 in the morning when she’s lonely was the goal, I think you messed up. When has this girl been lonely? Anytime she at all could have started to feel that way, you dropped everything and ditched your friends and were there. In fact, you would probably be there right now, watching some Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey movie on the couch.

In conclusion, Luke, you gotta stop setting these false thoughts into girls heads. Otherwise when us normal guys don’t do them, we look like jerks. So, Luke, what do ya say, buddy?

Sincerely,
Drew

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