Top 26 (funny) Things You Are Thankful for This Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is the time of year when we sit with family and friends and reflect on the many things we have in our lives to be thankful for. Before the sappy “thankful-for’s” make their way around the table to you, read this list of the top 26 things you are thankful for this thanksgiving and try one on for size at your dinner table this year.
1. George Lucas is no longer involved in the “Star Wars” movies.
2. Your address doesn’t contain the words “Gaza” or “Strip.”
3. That you’re not a turkey.
4. If you’re a chick: Channing Tatum. If you’re a dude: STILL Channing Tatum. He’s that hot.
5. “Twilight” is over.
6. McKayla Maroney’s “not impressed” face. Ha! That NEVER gets old!
7. Obama’s victory means four more years of crazy emails from your grandpa!
8. Your lonely existence means no wife to drag you to Black Friday sales. Victory!
9. It turned out to just be an easily treatable rash. Whew.
10. Even though you can’t afford a turkey, you gathered all the bread crumbs folks throw to the pigeons, so hello free stuffing!
11. Apparently, if you have a mental breakdown on your flight, you can spend the holiday in a holding cell as opposed to the torture chamber that is your childhood home.
12. All the free stuff you got this year by agreeing to vote for Obama.
13. When Steven Spielberg decided to make a film about an American president, he didn’t steal your idea for that awesome Millard Fillmore flick.
14. Your wife still believes you saw “Magic Mike” for the directing and storytelling.
15. You got a killer deal on that Christmas vacation in the Gaza Strip.
16. You’re skipping those Black Friday crowds by buying everyone their own copy of Windows 8.
17. Peace in the Middle East. Oops, spoke too soon.
18. You don’t have to skip Thanksgiving dinner to go to your shift at Walmart.
19. Because Obamacare caused your boss to make massive layoffs, you don’t have to worry about going back to work next week.
20. That Joe Simpson accepted your offer for a Thanksgiving jaunt down to Rio, where the two of you can put on your Speedos, rollerblade around, and talk about how you’re TOTALLY not gay.
21. That in a year filled with sex scandals, your name wasn’t ever mentioned.
22. Even though you lost the election, you still have an elevator just for your cars.
23. Two things . . . and they both belong to Sofia Vergara.
24. Facebook . . . because without it, you wouldn’t have visual proof that your friends are eating well.
25. Seize The Deal for those 50% off laser toenail fungus removal offers.
26. Family and friends . . . with benefits.